The plump little man in my local shop is wearing a well-worn Christmas jumper today, its faded front announcing beneath once gaudy baubles that he is ‘Well Hung’. Ew. It’s too late to be wearing a Christmas jumper of course. Profound lapses in taste and judgement are less easily forgiven in February. But whatever the date, it’s never a good idea for your season’s greeting to be, “I’ve got a big dick”. Even pretending for a minute that the desire to purchase such a jumper doesn’t suggest thou doth protest too much; as a rule your clothes are one opportunity to disguise the kind of prick you are. They don’t need to say Bonjour, or More Issues than Vogue, or Geek. People can find out that they don’t like you later, in much the same way that they can wait for an ill-chosen gift, or to discover how little your clothes are concealing.